Procrastinating Vampirism (Dead Father Mornings)
One of my new midlife tricks is reduced sleep. I allegedly only require 5-6 hours of it now that I'm nearing the half-century mark. Anywhere between 3AM - 5AM, you can find me on the couch, one eye open, likely writing something for this blog or distracting myself from doom scrolling.
The older my parents grew, the stranger their sleep cycles became. In the decade or so leading up to his passing, my father would wake somewhere around 3AM-4AM, read the paper (if it had been delivered), work in his flower garden, and then retire back to bed by 6AM for maybe an hour. I always credited it to him being a trapped middle-class sprocket with no professional experience beyond retail management. With his work ethic, he was the token first to arrive, last to leave guy. He not only managed the store(s), he owned them. Literally spending more time working off the clock to keep things shipshape than he did at home. I think he hated his family. Us.
My mother's sleep pattern also changed with age. She would wake several times throughout the night to smoke cigarettes, then complain about how she couldn't sleep. They both loved cigarettes. So much so, I vividly recall my father explaining to the dinner table his affinity for cigarettes. "They're all I have left."
I can't image a life where the only thing left that brings me joy is an ignitable bundle of plant matter. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my medical marijuana much more now that I'm not a loathsome alcoholic (I still long for bars and parties), but I wouldn't say it's the only thing I enjoy, or all I have left to live for. I've always believed boredom is the true gateway drug to drugs. Or in their case, cigarettes. I need to up my vigilance, ya boi is boooooored. 🥱
Current time: 6:35AM (EST)
Working from home helps on these dead father mornings. I can pull a Dad; wake up at 4AM, rummage through some emails, listen to asshole birds, a few house chores, and back in bed by 7AM for an hour nap. Wake up and work until 4PM. Wash, rinse, repeat.
Did you know most shampoo instructions do indeed advise users to wash, rinse, and repeat? Like repeat in the very same shower session. I have small hairs, and the process of thoroughly rinsing the shampoo from them is too arduous to ever want to immediately do it again. Annnnnnd that's today's hot take on midlife hair husbandry! Back to you, DicknBalls!
By the sound of the geese outside, It must be 7AM.