Meet hot Asians in your area
Without giving away my exact location, living just an hour away from one major metropolitan area, and less than two hours from another, you would think traffic between the two would create some refinements to the long-standing local flavor. Well it doesn't.
Yes, the West Virginia eastern panhandle is growing at a rapid pace now that the Metro silver line extension is nearing completion. People are willing to sacrifice their lives to traffic to save on the cost of city living. They buy the townhouses, so they build more townhouses, and then those townhouses are also sold. As low as $300,000. New construction.
Being local, the prospect of the city infiltrating this bumpkin farmburbia fills me with excitement. I want culture that isn't mine here mixing with people who think culture is a sexually transmitted infection. I want it all over them, and inside of them, through reasonable means.
With divorce on the horizon, I've spent a lot of time getting to know myself. In doing so, I've determined I need to start doing things, and maybe even things I've never done before. Sounds generic as fuck, "doing things." But if I'm not doing something, I feel like I'm not growing, and if I'm not growing, then I'm not existing. So in order to exist, I must grow, and to grow, I must do. Now what that "do" is, I haven't a fucking clue.
So I did what any grown ass adult would do, and consulted Skynet. I asked it, "Hey, I'm a 40 something year-old guy who has never really figured himself out, still carrying the same interests and hobbies since childhood. How do I find things to do?" It recommended bars, diners, coffee shops, and church. When I reminded it of my sobriety, and that it needs to shape the fuck up, it recommended diners, coffee shops, church, and online platforms like Meetup.
I checked out Meetup, which quickly encouraged me to register a free account to make sure I'm not missing out on all the things currently happening in my area. So I did. I simply couldn't miss out on all this shit happening in my area. And there it was, everything happening in my area. Not fucking shit. Nothing.
Extended my search area, and I'll be real with you, the few things that were popping up just outside of the city were so irrelevant to anything relating to even my furthest interests. So much so that even thinking about participating felt as if I would be encroaching on groups of people who would be mortified by my spirited nature. Yeah, that's it, "spirited nature."
I canceled the account.
I haven't used apps for friendship or socialization, networking or otherwise, for over a decade. During the past decade, even my shit email from 30 years ago which collects nothing but the worst that the Internet has to offer in terms of advertising dystopia ran incredibly light on dating, matchmaking, and porn spam. I'm talking near zero.
That was until I created the Meetup account. Now, nothing but "Meet hot Asians in your area!" Like, yo, okay. I'm down to meet some hot Asians in my area, or any Asians, hot or otherwise. Or anybody. In my area. But the bear is smarter than average, and knows damn well that even though the city is slowly claiming farmburbia, there's nobody here interested in doing anything at all. Certainly not hot Asians.
I know I'm the outlier. Surely nobody else is interested in city folk bringing their city money and city things with their city kids and city cars to their podunk panhandle roundabout town. But dammit, I'm tired of all the white-ass bread and Busch Light people. I want hip and happening people to move here, start doing things, so I can find something to do. This is about me after all!
I've been walking my cat around my subdivision in his comically large cat backpack and have yet to encounter anyone else also walking about. There's maybe 300 houses in this subdivision, and at any given time you can look out the window and see someone walking with or without another human, child, or animal. Yet when I'm out there with Critter on my back like Chewbacca carrying busted-ass C3PO, even the tumbleweeds fuck off. We're literally a walking conversation starter, or maybe we just look a little too fun in an unapproachable way.