Greetings, gamers. I am back once again to bring you reviews of three games in as few words as possible. Who am I? This week you have the pleasure of hanging out with your Uncle Ken. And, as is my wont when I do this column, I am bringing you the best/worst/whatever games that the other guys here at A Bloggy Mess just won’t play. In the past I have brought you games downloaded from the Android/Google Play store in the form of apps, and did some Retro_Thoughts by bringing you some randomly chosen games out of my Sega basket.This week will be no different, as I bring you the games of Facebook!
Facebook. It’s inevitable. Ben Franklin, inventor, author, publisher, first Postmaster General, Newspaper man, Founding Father, and guy on the C Note, once said that the only things in life that are inevitable are Death and Taxes. He never met Zuckerman. Z’s little Social Media experiment blew away the competition. Does anyone, even bands, have a MySpace account anymore? Nope. Why? Facebook. The juggernaut of Social Media is unstoppable. Want proof?
My best friend swore he’d never get a Facebook page. Didn’t want to jump on the Social Media bandwagon. When he was scheduled to go to Afghanistan he said he’d start a page just to keep in touch. He never did. But, he came hoe safely and guess who has a Facebook page? You have to understand that this is a guy who still believes “The Kick” went wide. (I reference Rich Karlis’ game winning field goal in overtime in the 86/87 Season AFC Championship game between the Cleveland Browns and the Denver Broncos – back when Denver kept going to the Superbowl and losing! It was part of what is known in NFL lore as “The Drive” where John Elway led his team 98 yards in the fourth quarter to tie the game. Google it.) Now, to be fair, from one angle it DID look like it went wide, and Shottenheimer would have thrown a red flag for review if it were today. But Ted STILL can’t admit it was a good kick.
Anyway… Facebook = Inevitable! And the intro is more words than my thoughts on the following types of Facebook games will be. That’s right, “TYPES” of games. I’m switching it up and going with a generalization of the types of games on Facebook.
As I see it, there are three main types of Facebook games: “Ville” games, Puzzle/Match games, and Bubble games. So, let’s get the minimal verbiage going, shall we? Oh, and no pictures this week because WordPress hates me.
You all know the type… Farmville, Farmville 2, Castleville, Cityville, Coasterville, Frontierville, and the list goes on and on. There’s even one called simply, “The Ville”. You start out with a small plot of land and maybe an animal or building or two. You complete tasks to earn coins to buy stuff to complete more tasks. Tasks are timed. You get anywhere from a few hours to a few weeks to complete. Bonuses are given. Most games are mind-numbingly easy, but frustrating as Hell when simple tasks can’t be completed due to lack of coins, or water, or food, or whatever. Simple playability. Good for something to do when there is nothing better to do, but not at all challenging. Only worth your time if you are REALLY bored. BTW, I have been THAT bored and played most of these.
Bubble Witch is probably the best known, but there are others, including another simply titled “Bubble”. This is more of a point and shoot genre, where you need to have at least a modicum of strategy. Hit the wrong set of bubbles and they all pop not giving you enough points to move on. Bubble Witch is fun because there are different bubbles for each season. Plus there are cool/annoying sound effects. Addiction to these games happens quickly. You KNOW you can clear that damned board, you just need one more game. That’s all, one more and you will quit. At its heart, the bubble game is easy to figure out, easy to play, and hard as Hell to win at the higher levels. And the levels never end! Overall, I like Bubble Games and would recommend them if you have some free time not doing anything important. A little hand-eye coordination is necessary, and strategy is a big help. Figuring out the angles to shoot is like fun math.
WARNING: Candy Crush is like CRACK! Seriously, it’s THAT addictive! Stay away from Candy Crush! There are others in the genre, but they are basically gateway
drugs games. Bejeweled is fun. Matching nice little gems. So Pretty. Farm Heroes Saga has you helping to free “Cropsies”, little anthropomorphic veggies and fruits who smile at you, from a wicked fox. Swiper, NO SWIPING! Sweet Tooth is a less addictive game featuring Candy. But it’s Candy Crush that gets people addicted. It seems simple enough, but the insidious bastards who created the game gave it a lame storyline. Oh, now I have to get the lemonade back in this lake. Now I have to help that poor Yeti. Yetis are known to be vicious, territorial beasts who will KILL you! But, it’s the new shit they throw at you to make the game harder. Matching certain types of candies? Okay. Now specialty candies? Sure. Now I have to get rid of licorice ropes sealing them in? Or they are frozen in Syrup? Um… alright. Now I have chocolate filling my empty spaces? Fuck you, Candy Crush! First comes denial. Then the game draws you back in because you think you can win. Just one more time. I can do it. And one more turns into 100 more. Is it fun? Barely. Can you walk away? Nope. Not without an intervention or forced time away from the computer. Thanks, working multiple jobs, for helping me kick the Candy Crush habit. DO NOT PLAY this game! The others, maybe. But stay the fuck away from Candy Crush.
Okay, so not very Minimal on that last one, but DAMN! stay away from it. Just a little public service announcement from your Uncle Ken.
I know, not your typical Thursday Game review, but if you are like me and on the Facebook all the damn time, then maybe the next time one of your “friends” sends you a game request you won’t unfriend them, but give it a try. Except for Candy Crush. Seriously, Peeps, that shit is CRACK!
Peace out, my Peeps!